


I hate u, I love u

by orphan_account



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Jon is sad, Kinda, Kinda sexy time, M/M, Song Lyrics, Songfic, but not really, risingwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-14
Updated: 2016-05-14
Packaged: 2018-06-06 20:56:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6769597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Literally no one asked for this</p><p> </p><p>Also I wrote this on my phone so excuse all the grammatical errors and the weird format and junk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I hate u, I love u

**Author's Note:**

> Vague purple haired lady is vague *wink wink nudge nudge* The song I was listening to while I wrote this was. Gnash: i hate u, i love u and as soon as I heard it I was almost in tears from my own personal experiences and was like ' mmm yes risingwood... Excellent '
> 
>  
> 
> Bi boys are Bi because author is Bi and she loves Bi representation.

I _can't See the end of this Just wanna feel your kiss Against my lips_

 

"You're leaving."

It's a statement not a question because of course Ryans leaving thats what they do. They do whatever the fuck this is for an hour maybe 2 if ryan is really stressed and ryan leaves. Ryan shows up at 12 ever tuesday and every time Jon is waiting patiently with a pretty smile soothing music and what ever else he thinks Ryan will need for their night.  Jon knows ryan isn't staying he never stays. Jon should be use to this should be use to the way ryans cold reply is like a dagger to his heart but jon can never get used to it even after 3 and a half years it still hurts to watch him leave every wednesday morning.

" She's waiting for me."

  
Its the same 4 words it has been since they started this.

  
Jon does what he always does now because it's a routine. He watches as ryan gathers his clothes from the floor to dress and leave but not before he walks to the shower washes any trace of jon of before he goes to _her_. Jon watches him scrub at his teeth so she won't taste jon won't tastes ryans lies. Jon gets up and goes to the kitchen because he can't look ryan in the eyes it's too painful to see him do this. Ryan will never be Jon's that was never the plan. He doesn't know when he first started feeling jealous of her maybe it was when she started working with them and he could see her everyday. Maybe it was when they got that show together. Maybe it was when he first saw Ryans face when he looked at her like she was made of gold. Jon doesn't know when it started but he does know its the reason he tries so hard to leave hickies in his wake so she can know jons been there.

  
"I'll see you later" Ryan call's from the hall next to the kitchen door and is met with only the sound of Jon slamming cabinets.

 

He's angry. Ryan knows but there's nothing ryan can do. He can't stay it'll just make things worse so he blatantly lies to him.

  
Jon showers not to wash ryan off. Not to wash the night away. Jon showers because if he doesn't wash ryan off right away he'll be a heaping mess for days to come.

 

_Lie to me lie with me get your fucking fix_

 

  

Jon is alone. Jon is always alone. He's use to this this is his normal. Standing just on the edge of the party not out definitely not in just close enough to hear the jokes and laugh if need be but not close enough for them to really see the tear stains on his face. He's been crying. Jon is a cryer ... well you would be a cryer to if you'd been cheated on again. So yes jon is a cryer tonight but jon isn't always a cryer just when things pile up a tad bit to high for him but crying isn't what the nights about. Tonight is to have fun to forget to distress.

Jon is not drunk when he sees him walk in he's tipsy at most but sobers up as soon as he walks over. Ryan is never at these things so its a surprise to see him and jon plans on taking full advantage of this as he loves to bother ryan at work so why should this be any different.

 

 

" You do kind of look like Bucky just a tiny bit."

"I've been saying this for years and no one agrees with me! "

The hardy laugh that flows from Ryan's mouth is the last thing jon needs right now they've been talking for a little over an hour and jon already wants to jump the poor mans bones.

 

"Well if it makes you feel any better you look better than Sebastian Stan so there's that." Ryan winks and jon is completely helpless and there's nothing stopping him from leaning forward and crashing their lips together. The moment he realizes what he's doing his eyes fly open and he pulls away

" I'm so sorr-" Ryan's lips attack Jon's as soon as he pulls away.

 

"Don't worry about it." Ryan is kissing down Jon's neck and jon is putty in his hands. There's an unholy sound that comes from the back of his throat when ryan nibbles on his neck. " Kind of wanted to do this since I walked over here thought it'd be rude to just kiss you though so I waited it out. Patience is a virtue so I've been told."

 

It takes 30 minutes to call the uber and make it back to jons apartment. It takes less than 30 seconds for jon to find his keys and open the door. Clothes are all over Jon's floor by the time they make it that far.

 

 

Jon is laying on Ryan's chest afterwards. Jon hasn't been this content in weeks months even. Its peaceful the slow rise and fall of Ryan's chest against jon. Jon thinks he can get used this.

 

The peace is disturbed when ryan gets a text jon can't read it but what ever it says makes ryan move quick.

" Rye are you okay?"

"Uh yea I'm good just have to be getting home."

"Oh okay well maybe we can do this uh again?"

 

There's another text to ryan and jon can kind of see now that ryan is standing up the sender has a little purple heart by the name. Jon doesn't want to think about what it means he tries  _really really tries_ not to think about who the person behind the heart is.

 

"Um I'd really really love too."

" but?" Jon knows there's a but there's always a but.

" I'm kind of in a relationship already.." It sounds more like a question then it should because its not a question. Ryan is in a relationship has been for over 4 years now. He loves her so much but sometimes ryan just needs other things. Things that she can't give him. 

 

"Oh okay..." Jon is NOT a home wrecker so he will reluctantly but surly back off.

 

 

Thats what he tells him self that night anyways. He tells his self a lot of things that he knows are lies but he does anyway because he needs to. He tells his self that he doesn't love ryan that ryan isn't important to him. Lies.

 

 

  _Don't want to but I can't put nobody else above you_

 

 

He's sitting at his desk listening to music and scrolling twitter when his eyes land on the tweet. He'd be lying if he said he didn't see it coming. He loves her he adores her she is his everything. So no he isn't surprised to see the engagement ring he isn't surprised that it happens after ryan hasn't spoken to him in 2 weeks. He isn't surprised by many of the things that ryan does now a days.

  
He likes the tweet for a few reasons 1. He wants ryan to know he knows 2. He doesn't wanna look like a douche infront of fans and coworkers. ' _I'm so very happy to say she said yes_   _!'._ Jon tries not to let the hurt play in his sky colored eyes tries not to let the emotions well into storms over his features but he feels the storms knows if he doesn't get out of the room now the storm will wreck through him harder then anything has in years so he runs as fast as he can out of his office past everyones questioning gazes out of the building past his car past all the cars just runs for as long and as far as he can. Later he'll blame this on some make believe emergency about Bella that he's to hurt to think of at the present. When he finally stops he's in a park it's mid day fairly empty no one close enough to him to see the tears stream from his face so he let's it all out right then and there. He cries because he needs ryan. He cries because he can't have Ryan anymore and he knows this is over.

 

He's tried to get over ryan he really has. There was Aarons hot brother. They had a thing for a few weeks a pretty good thing in fact but they decided maybe they'd better stay friends. There was the cute girl that Blaine introduced him to that loved to run ( maybe a little bit too much if you asked jon ) that didn't work out to well in the end. But he tried to get over ryan but no one was ever enough for him. No one was ever ryan.

 

 

 

 

_i hate u i love u_

 

 

Its 9 am and Jon is being dragged out of his hotel bed by the sound of his alarm. _T_ _oday is the day._

Jon showers as slowly as possible because maybe if he takes long enough he'll miss the entire thing right? That's how logic works. Jon isn't late though because Tyler is banging on his room door at 10 on the dot letting him know they limo will be there soon.

 

If jon had the option or the heart he wouldn't be here he'd be as far away as humanly possible but jon is neither rude nor is he a bad friend so he's here. He's dressed to the nines black skinny jeans a black button up and a purple tie his hair is in a neat bun and his face is clear of any tear stains that may have formed from the 10 minute cry he took in the bathroom  before he sat next to Tyler and Cole.

 

Jon knows Ryan needs the beautiful purple haired woman she completes Ryan in more ways than jon ever could. She's the one who helps Ryan with any and all things. She's the one who evens him out during a particularly rough day in the office. She is everything to Ryan and there's not a single thing jon can do but accept it.

 

Jon is Ryan's last resort. Jon is angry sex and empty kisses. Jon is quickies and no emotions. Jon is a thing and that's all he'll be to Ryan.

 

Ryan on the other hand is everything to jon. Ryan is the sunset that he loves to take pictures of. Ryan is the ripple in the lake after Jon tosses a stone. Ryan is all jon could and would need is this world.

 

So Jon sits and watches the beautiful purple haired woman in her beautiful white dress that lays perfectly against her small frame. Watches as her beautiful eyes make contact with ryan and she mouths a quick 'I love you' as she slowly approaches ryan. He watches her walk down the aisle to ryan, watches the way ryan looks at her like she is his sun and he is her moon. He watches her beautiful eyes water at ryans words. He watches ryan kiss her sweet and soft after the I do and jon sheds many tears the people around him may think its for the ceremony but when ryan makes eye contact ryan knows its because Jon's heart is broken.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is actual shit and I'm honestly so sorry for it. Lets pretend I didn't erase the smut scene 10 times because I didn't know how to finish ( HAHAH sex joke ) so I just left it out in the end ( haha ) Angst makes me hurt all over. I also am bad at writing and have trouble with my rambling nature and its really hard for me to not just write ' and then and then and then '
> 
> Once again I wrote this on my phone so there maybe periods missing and commas and all the other stuff my bad ...again


End file.
